Getting back to the subject of being a music snob. We were at a barbecue at some friends house last Saturday evening so the full horror of the autumn TV schedule failed to register with me until Sunday evening.
I was sitting at the laptop in the cupboard come office when I heard the strains of a cat being castrated without anaesthetic coming from the next room. I popped my head round the door to find out what the fuck could be making that kind of racket to see L and M captivated in what I quickly realised was the return of the TV programme I despise above all others with the possible exception of perhaps Pets Do The Funniest Things.
Fucking marvelous, I thought to myself as I shrunk back into my bunker, four months of poor misguided fools, all with a sad story to tell murdering old soul classics and “reinterpreting” million plus selling pop songs. All while the Great Satan looks on from behind his desk with that smug look which can be translated “I can’t believe I’m getting away with this yet again, ker ching” and his minor demons bickering amongst themselves and occasionally weeping at one of the sad stories.
And this is where my troubles begin. I know that millions of people get pleasure out of watching what in my opinion is absolute garbage. But, who am I to tell others that what gives them pleasure is vacuous nonsense.
I have heard people talking bollocks about how good such and such was at covering Hallelujah for the umpteenth time and had to stop myself from sneering and feeling superior. After all I know that the only worthy cover of that song is by Kathryn Williams.
So I try to vent my disdain at the judges and the poor unfortunates that actually perform for the entertainment of the masses.
I have and I hate to say it, nothing but contempt for the contestants on this programme because in my opinion and based on the facts presented, the majority are there simply to be famous not for a love of music or the joy of singing. I may be wrong but I don’t think so. I am sick of hearing “PLEASE, Simon, this means the world to me”, really more than your kids, your family, stop deluding yourself and realise you are a plumber or call centre employee and not a fucking pop star who hasn’t been spotted yet.
Which brings me on to the thing that disgusts me the most about the X Factor, the way that the producers prey on the delusions of people who are not of sound mind and then show them being laughed at by the audience and put down by judges. How do these people who don’t have that firm a grip on reality feel when it dawns on them that they have been held up to the ridicule of the millions that watch this programme.
But again, it comes back to the fact that the programme would not be made if the contestants weren’t there clamouring for their 15 seconds of fame and it certainly wouldn’t be aired if nobody watched it.
So once this rant is finished I will desist from commenting on the programme further and will allow others, however misguided they may be to enjoy this guff without any comment from me
Ballboy – Avant Garde Music